I spent the week after the festival, sick as a dog with a respiratory flu.  But let’s back it up a bit….sick as a dog? Where did that come from?  Why does a dog become a simile for illness?  Why such a desultory description of such a kind, benign, helpful creature?  I did a swift search on Google, only to find the source of this comparison is unclear.  So, I call and end to the negative profiling of dogs as sick!  Free the dogs!  Let’s find something more accurate.

Sick as a monkey?  Maybe, but I have no drawing of monkeys.

Let’s try something that I have more drawings of.  Sick as a cat?

If you’ve ever dealt with a sick cat, you know they can be quite unpleasant. Yes, sick as a cat is a definite contender.

How about sick a crow?

In all honesty, I don’t know enough about crows to have an opinion.

As sick as a winged horse?  Naw, that’s pretty incredulous.

My brother and I have this inside, family joke about bears throwing up.  Specifically, strawberry ice cream.  TMI about the Baldwin family?

Not quite.  Just a little modification and I think I have it.  Sick as a giant stuffed Teddy Bear!  Put the onus on something in animate.

And let’s get the dogs out of this unsavory simile.